Halloween at the DMV

This was not a conscious decision.

Didn't think that going to the DMV on Halloween would be any more of a freak show than any other day of the year. So I was surprised at the aggressive costuming happening at the Pasadena outlet.

I paid my $25 renewal fee to and had my vision test administered by a "Fallen Angel."

(She actually made a little sign. With the quote marks. You have to consider it a somewhat failed effort, I think, if you need to post an explainer.)

Then I had my photo taken by a black cat.

(Nelly asked why I didn't smile. She said it looked like a booking mug. I said it's because I didn't have time. The cat instructed me to stand on the red line. I looked down to see where the red line was, looked up and BOOM! That was that. The cat may have nine lives. She apparently only takes one picture.)

Next was the written test. The Grim Reaper told me to put my Rules of the Road book on the shelf behind me. The Reaper said "no cheating." It wouldn't have been the first time that I cheated Death.

(I brought the test back to the Reaper, confident that I had passed. But when Death is grading you, you start thinking back to all the things you might have screwed up. The Reaper started talking: "We're on a roll... 30 in a row... How many more?" I was thinking, "Call me Baskin-Robbins cuz I'm making it 31!" And then I started wondering if 30 was a lot for people passing the test? I know smart people who have failed it. Multiple times. So 30 sounded like we were having a good day. But as the Reaper kept talking, it became clear that this winning streak wasn't about driving but about college football. Death, apparently, is a USC Trojans fan who bites his or her nails down to a nubby quick.)

Finally, I had to turn all my paperwork -- including my 100% correct test -- over to the person in Window A. There wasn't a person in Window A so I was left to wonder who might come over. Would it be the robust woman completely surrounded by a shower curtain? How would she type? Or maybe the beautiful archangel with the big white wings? She didn't need a sign to explain. But then a guy showed up. No costume. "It takes all kinds," he said, nodding his head toward the woman in the shower curtain contraption. Yes, it does. Then he did the most amazing thing. He told me that I should lower the weight listed on the license. How often does that happen? So I dropped it 20 pounds. He took another 10 off. So, now, like everyone, I cheated on the weight on my driver's license. Only this time, it's officially sanctioned.

On the way out, I was glad that I didn't have to take a driving test. The inspector was dressed as a pirate.